At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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