I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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