I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
