I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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