Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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