he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize