do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
