Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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