Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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