I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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