its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
