walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
