I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Two words: blizzard sex
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
