Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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