Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize