And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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