remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
