I got chris browned last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
