Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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