So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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