i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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