i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
