I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
A+ Viking dick
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
