Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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