I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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