fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
