if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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