Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
