I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
