so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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