I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
