so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
