he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
