Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
