I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
