the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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