the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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