so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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