Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
