Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
