Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish you could order shots online.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
