I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So many bounce houses so little time
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
