4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
