is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
