I think im going to throw up on grandma
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
