I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
