Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
