did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize