I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
