Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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