When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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