I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
