Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
