my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
