in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
