dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
