You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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