my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
