This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
