Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
