well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
