The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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