You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
