I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
