my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
