i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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