You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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