Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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