they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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