Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
